Going Old School for My Valentine

This year I treated Gllen to a valentine in gllenblog style.

Ingredients include:
Vanilla Ice Cream,  granola bar, mango and hot fudge.

We're still sweet on each other after 8 years.

<3 my Berf.

How to train your puppy so that even Gllen will like her

Today, I talked to a friend who is bringing home a puppy this week. We got to talking about how to train a dog and she was extremely complimentary of Ruby, my one and a half year old shih-poo who is very well-mannered. She was asking me how I trained her, which leads me to this blog.

Gllen hates dogs. I mean, HATES dogs. Prior to getting Ruby, if you brought up the subject of dogs to him, he would likely spew out a monologue of pure loathing and reasons to back up this opinion - and this would be a non-stop flow of words that could last up to an hour. If you know Gllen, you feel lucky if he completes a sentence in a conversation with you. This should give you an indication of how much fodder he had in his hate-bucket. To summarize, his view of dogs was this: Dogs are eating, pooping, puking, barking, shedding machines. End of story.

Obviously, this is at odds with MY opinion of dogs. To summarize, my view is this: CUUUUUUUUUTE! LOOOOOOOOOOVE! SNUGGGLE!

So, I knew I wanted a dog, and I knew Gllen wanted to never encounter a dog in his life again. How does one solve this dilema? I made promises. Promises that I would devote myself to training a dog to not shit in the house, not bark at every little thing, not puke and then eat it…. things I thought I’d be able to control. I promised we would get a non-shedding dog. The dog would be little and less poop would come out of it - and that poop would be localized in designated pooping areas of the yard.

I did a lot of research prior to adopting a dog. I planned how I would train this dog. I did a lot of cheerleading to Gllen on the thoroughness of this plan. I waited a year. Then, as if it was meant to be, I found Ruby and we brought her home. The training plan was initiated.

Now, I will freely say that I did not train my dog perfectly - there are things we could have done differently or better. For instance, our neighbors, Mike and Kate, somehow trained their dog to stay in the front yard and never run into the street - I wish Ruby knew how to do that. I also failed at the “contained area of poop” in the yard. She poops wherever in the back yard she pleases - and we do our best to clean it up on a semi frequent basis. I also, for the life of me, cannot train this dog to roll over - much to my chagrin, as I managed to train my brother’s dog to roll over in the space of an hour. She just won’t do it.

But despite these little issues, Ruby has soaked up all the training we worked with her on, and she is an absolutely charming, sweet and well mannered dog. And this is not only my opinion, but one that is shared with me by others on many occasions. The ultimate measurment - Gllen approves (and I would even say LOVES) our dog. So, I will share here, the secrets to our success.

Day 1 - Bringing the puppy home.

Training your puppy begins the moment you bring them home. Regardless of the experiences they have had at their previous home, the new environment is a chance for them to “reset” on any behaviors they have learned thus far. So from that very first moment, the puppy is learning the rules of the new environment.

1. 
   

   Don’t even bring that sweet little puppy inside the house until they have achieved a very important thing: going to the bathroom. Take them to your yard or area you want them to do their business. If they are a puppy, they go pretty frequently, so just wait and encourage them to “go potty” or whatever you want to use as a command. When they squat, use the command. They will get to know what it means. Afterwards, lavish that little pup with praise and petting. Treat them like a freaking hero. Then bring them inside to their new home.

2. 
   

   Don’t be lazy in the first few days/weeks - take that puppy outside every chance you get - don’t even give them a chance to have an accident inside. If they have an accident inside, do not yell, just gently, but firmly tell them “no”, pick them up - mid stream if you can catch it, (wash your hands later) and bring them out to the bathroom area outside. Let them finish the job and then lavish praise.

3. 
   

   How do you stop them from barking? For us, this was the EASIEST thing to teach. Every dog has their own personality, so I can’t say this is foolproof, but I got the method by researching pretty extensively and I know it’s worked for others on the internet. When the puppy barks, all you have to do is physically turn your back to the dog. They are barking to get your attention - give them the opposite. They learn pretty quickly that barking has the oppositve effect they want. It’s extremely important to do this right away, from the very first moment - and CONSISTENTLY. Every time the puppy barks, or tries to jump up on you, turn away and ignore them. Once they are quiet and calm, turn around and lavish with affection and attention. It took Ruby about 1 day to catch on. She’s a super quite dog now - and I will tell you, she barked with the best of them when we brought her home. Please note, it’s unreasonable to think your dog will never bark - they are dogs, of course. Sometimes they get so excited they can’t help it! But that will be rare if you follow this method.

4. 
   

   If you need to get your puppy to calm down, put them in a gentle restraint. This is when you simply pick up the puppy, hold them on their back, snugly in your arms. They will struggle and try to turn over - just keep a solid, snug hold on them. Eventually, they will realize the struggle isn’t working and you will feel them relax in your arms. When they finally relax, you can praise them and release. This also help assert that YOU are the boss and they are not in charge. There is a very good article on “Teaching Your Dog to Settle” here: http://www.grcco.org/teaching_your_dog_to_settle.htm

Don’t overwhelm yourself and try to do too much at first. Your first goal is to establish routine and just get the basics of behavior expectations - go to the bathroom outside. Don’t bark to get attention. If you decide to kennel train, that is another huge hurdle to conquer in the first days and weeks. These should be the only goals you worry about. The other commands can come after you’ve gotten these things relatively conquered. Perhaps I will expound on that in some future blog articles. For now (and I’m specifically referencing my friend who’s getting the new puppy) have fun and enjoy your new family member.

Just remember, consistency is the key to training success! And praise - positive reinforcement is 100% more effective than any scolding. Show your puppy what you want, don’t punish them for not knowing any better.

How To Care For Introverts

So, I found this little graphic on reddit recently, and I decided that it was going to function as a quiz... A quiz for me to rank how well I am able to "care" for Gllen. I marked in green checks the areas in which I succeed... and a red X with those I fail at.

To explain my failures... ummm... well, numbers 2 and 5 are simply explained because I talk to damn much. Number 11 - I have to say I'm not super bad about this one, but I do get excited and tend to encourage Gllen's forays into new friendships. Any inkling I have of him creating a new friend I act like an overzealous mother. "Do you want to invite them over for a play date?"

So, 9/12 is pretty good. And Gllen has given his approval of my score. I feel pretty good about this score. Further proof that we are a good team. :)

Pictures Worth a Thousand Tears

Last night we were honored with the presence of some of my old friends who I don't get to see very often.  Prior to my life with Gllen, my friends Christen and Andy and I had a weekly dinner club... where every Tuesday night, Andy would cook for us, and we'd sit around laughing and eating the whole night.  We had a good run at this dinner club, but as usual, life takes its twists and turns and we couldn't expect it to last forever... Andy became a father, Christen moved out of state, and I started dating a Gllen.

I pretty much lucked out - I found my own live-in-chef who makes me delicious meals, makes me laugh and in general keeps my spirits up.  Everyone should get to have Dinner Club forever. So, I was really excited to see my old gang, and introduce Gllen to the people who I spent a few formative years in my twenties with.  They have good stories to tell.

Gllen is a good listener - he doesn't usually interrupt a story.  So he absorbed a LOT of chatter about the good old days.  At one point he told the group, "It was really interesting to hear that story unfold. Pretty much all I heard was, 'That was the WORST night of my life.... did you WRITE that poem?' and whatever happened, it sounds amazing."  I really enjoy seeing life through the Gllen Lens sometimes.

The highlight of the evening was when we gathered back at our house for some late-night drinks and decided to play a board game... Gllen's new favorite game... Telestrations.  It's basically like pictionary combined with a game of telephone. Anyway, this game, without fail, makes Gllen laugh so hard that he CRIES. I think we all did.  But Gllen's laughter is so genuine, so joyful, that you can't help laughing when he does.  He was sitting next to Amanda, one of our guests, and drawing and cracking up so hard at his own art that he would get Amanda giggling, which in turn makes me laugh and it was went around in circles from there.

My favorite Gllen drawing from the night was his rendering of the word "cuddle".  I present it to you here... the more I look at it, the more I am amazed. I've blacked out the word so you can play along and make your own guess... to reveal the answer, simply highlight the blacked out text.

And for fun, here's one more... the secret phrase is "water off a duck's back".

Peter Rabbit

Gllen doesn't believe me when I tell him that I absolutely ABHOR celery. It's a vegetable that everyone says, "But it doesn't taste like anything!" when it really DOES taste like something, and that something is not anything I want in my mouth, or flavoring my foods, or adding stupid 'crunch' when an alternative would be much better. Celery destroys everything it touches. That is my opinion. I am not going to change it. Eat your damn celery, more for you - less for me.

Gllen thinks that somehow, I'll taste it one day and be changed. He tried to change my mind just the other day as we were driving to BeWiched. He told me that I just needed to change my mind set. "Imagine you are a rabbit," he advised. "Just a happy rabbit chewing on some delicious celery."

I wrinkled my nose, which was as rabbit-like as I was going to get. "That would never work."

Gllen tried to weave the story further, "And you're a naughty rabbit. You're in the neighbor's garden, eating their celery."

"WHAT?!?!" I shrieked. "I'm a naughty rabbit? What the..." I just started to laugh, barely able to steer the car through the next intersection. "How does being a naughty rabbit make celery taste good?"

Gllen chuckled too. "I don't know. Because it's forbidden."

I feel like, after 6 years, I just learned something new... and I'm not sure how to feel about it.

Picture Time

Last week, Gllen and I went to an open house at my sister's new office. They were showing off their new digs, and hosting a little party. Gllen and I were sitting with my sister, in the conference room with all the food. The president of Lynette's company saw us and decided to snap a picture. Gllen was in "being polite" mode, so he was not able to do his normal hand-in-front-of-face or scrurry-out-of-the-frame moves that he usually employs when a camera pops up. The picture was taken, and I felt proud of him for being so compliant.

Fast forward to later when we are driving home in our car. Gllen starts to laugh and tells me, "I saw the funniest thing." He starts to laugh harder, and it was almost a full minute before he could gain his composure enough to tell me what it was. "It was when we were getting our picture taken. This lady was at the food table and dishing up a meatball. One of the meatballs falls off her plate and rolled under the table." He guffaws, "She started looking around for it. But there was a really long table cloth, so she couldn't see it. But it had rolled under the table, and I could see it from where I was sitting."

He starts to laugh again, practically foaming at the mouth, he's so amused. "But we were having our picture taken. And it was taking forever. So I just watched this lady searching around for like three minutes, trying to find this meatball. All the while, I'm looking right at it. But I couldn't shout, 'Your meatball is over here.' because the picture might be taken. So she finally gave up, and sorta looked around, hoping no one saw what happened. BUT I SAW IT!"

He has me giggling by this point, and we make each other laugh harder. He tells me, "So, I sat there just watching and laughing to myself. So if the camera had worked right away, they would have gotten the most smiley picture of me there has ever been taken."

I burst out into my own guffaws. "OMG, my parents were probably looking at you and wondering how this random person taking a picture can get you to smile, but you never smile for them!"

We dissolve into giggles again. Gllen tries to image what my parents are saying to each other on the way home. "Why does he never smile in our pictures?"

Apparently, all you need is the Comedy of Meatballs.

Word of the Day

As I was leaving for work, I walked past the bedroom and saw Gllen laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. "What are you doing?" I asked.

Like a walrus suddenly stirring and roaring, he shouted one word, "Trawnkin!"

I raised my brows. "What is Trawnkin?"

He closed his eyes. "Being half asleep and half awake."

A minute later, he was asleep again.