Running Hot and Cold

We are in serious tropical heat wave right now. Walking outside is like wading through soup. It's been downright miserable.

Unless you're Gllen...

A few weeks ago, on a balmy 75 degree night, Gllen decided he was hot and wanted to turn the AC on. A gentle breeze was drifting through the house and I told him that I didn't think we needed to, and I would rather save money and have it off.

He stormed off in a huff.

A few moments later, I noticed that Gllen was walking back and forth from his office to the kitchen a lot. I got up to investigate and almost ran into him as he came out of his office carrying a bunch of computer equipment, sweat dripping from his brow and a snarl upon his lips.

I sidestepped quickly and he moved past me with the brevity of the enraged. He was carrying all of his office down to the basement.

I didn't comment, and in fact, stayed out of his way until he was completed and had finally stopped shuffling around down in his new lair. Finally, I dared to set a toe into his territory.

As I rounded the corner to view his new set-up, he grinned at me and cheerfully said, "Hi, Gerf!"

So, he's been happily abiding in the basement for the summer, and probably through the winter. He's completely oblivious to the outside temperature, wears a sweatshirt every day and I've even caught him blowing warm air into his hands occasionally.

I see less of him, but, he's a lot happier when I do catch him. It's amazing to remember the old apartment and the dance of the air conditioners, servers and power surges.

The Death of Computers and The Aftermath

Since the beginning of my relationship with Gllen, there has been one rule that has endured... If I ever destroy his laptop, it will result in an immediate break-up. I don't know how this came about - I think I asked him something like, "What if we got into a terrible fight and I threw your laptop out of the window?" I was joking at the time, but he gave me a look of disgust and told me that he would break up with me and never talk to me again. I asked him, "What if it was something that happens on accident - like I'm holding a glass of water and I trip over something and it spills onto your computer and it dies?" He shuddered at the thought and spent several moments in mental anguish where he made Gllen-noises and wouldn't look at me. Then he said, "I'd still break up with you."

I believe him.

So of course, I treat his computers with the same reverence I reserve for our continued relationship. You might wonder if it is a two-way street... does Gllen respect MY computer with the same level of esteem as his own?

No.

He broke my laptop.

Last November.

Obviously we are still dating.

There is some debate on whose fault it is, so I'll share the story. I usually use my laptop in the living room, as I don't have a whole office set-up like Gllen does. The most comfortable spot for me to compute is on the sofa, with the laptop on the armrest - a rather large, leather arm rest. I'd been doing this for three years. No problems. Until one day...

I was sleeping on the couch, laptop in its usual spot, when Gllen came into the room and decided to give me a hug (or something of the sort, since what he actually did was try to lay on top of me and crush the air out of my lungs). His foot kicked my laptop and it crashed to the floor. At first I thought it might be okay, since it appeared to be on one piece. But quickly we realized that it wouldn't turn on.

I didn't waste any time pointing out that he had committed his OWN UNFORGIVABLE SIN.

Gllen blames me because I left it on the arm rest, and that is an unsafe place to leave a laptop. I allow a small margin of that blame... but the end result is that HE broke it, on accident of course, not me.

I forgave him. And he did fix it eventually, by buying a new hard drive and reinstalling Windows for me. Three months later. But if the situation was reversed, I think I'd be single right now.

The Shirt Says it All

Today, Gllen and I were talking about a party I am going to where there are a lot of Apple users. Gllen jokingly said he would come to the party and wear a shirt that says "Windows is better than Mac"

"Okay!" I said eagerly. I think he was taken aback by my easy agreement, so he revised, "I'll wear a shirt that says, 'Janelle is my girlfiend. Macs Suck.'"

I smiled at him. "Sure!" When he raised his brows at me and laughed, I added, "That will certainly strike up some conversations. People will want to talk to you. I enjoy seeing you converse with others."

He made some wierd noises and revised again. "Janelle is my girlfriend. Macs Suck. I won't talk to you."

With a smirk on my face, I told him, "You know, that shirt would come in handy in pretty much any social situation you are in." Really. It sums him up, and reflects about as much as he would contribute to a conversation verbally anyway...

Small Talk

I had a dream the other night that Gllen and I were in an earthquake, and that Gllen fell down and hit his head. It was scary. So, I was telling Gllen about it, and he interrupts me to say, "Earthquakes are cool!"

"What!?" I demand. "They are not cool. They are scary."

Gllen smirks and informs me, "No they aren't. They're good for small talk. You don't always have to talk about the weather. You can be like, 'Yo, dude, were you in the earthquake?' and the guy will be like, 'Yeah, man, that was awesome.'"

"That's why you like earthquakes? For SMALL TALK? You. Don't. Ever. Talk!" Gllen pretends he doesn't hear me. So, I try another tactic. "You'd hate earthquakes. First one would take down your servers."

This hits home. He gets an annoyed look on his face. "Fuck that. Earthquakes suck."

His New Catch-Phrase

A while back, Gllen and I were traveling by car, and we were making inconsequential conversation. Well, I was making conversation... Gllen was just sitting there like his usual lump-self.

So, I was contemplating if I needed to buy a new laptop. I recently dropped mine, cracking the corner, and I was verbally running through my options. I said something along the lines of, "Doesn't it just suck that the moment you buy a computer it is obsolete?"

Gllen scoffed at me, and said disdainfully, "That's computers, Girlfriend."

My jaw dropped and I stuttered for a moment, unable to combat the dismissive tone in his voice. Finally, I admonished him, "I know what computers are like."

So, since that day, anytime Gllen finds something acutely obvious, not matter the subject matter, he says, "That's computers, Girlfriend."

And then I punch him.

Gllen's Night in Status

If you've got an open chat with someone on google, you're likely to get messages that indicate a change in status. I had left a chat between Gllen and I open yesterday. And this is what I found this morning....

gllen's new status message - I'm not here right now 7:23 PM
gllen's new status message - 10:26 PM
gllen's new status message - and u 2:01 AM
gllen's new status message - and u will wait for it's retur 2:02 AM
gllen's new status message - and u will wait for it's return 2:02 AM
gllen's new status message - dayvan cowboy 3:13 AM
gllen's new status message - dayvan cowboy BUSTO SDFGHAHADHGGWGWDWDUIGW*DGWgdwogdqweoguodgogu8gdug8df9q1r91204129g123g893guguo3rgh33go31o1 FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 3:49 AM
gllen's new status message - smiley fa ce 3:53 AM
gllen's new status message - smiley face 3:53 AM
gllen's new status message - I'm not here right now 4:58 AM
gllen's new status message - smiley face 6:36 AM
gllen's new status message - I'm not here right now 7:37 AM

All-Nighter

Gllen pulled an all-nighter last night. Instead of going to bed at 7am, when I was getting ready for work, I found him relaxing in the living room.

"OH," I accused, "When I'm finally getting up and ready for work is when you decide to relax? What's up with that?"

He shook his head. "I'm not relaxing."

I stared at him, taking in how he was laying on the couch, snuggled in a blanket and watching a recording of Poker After Dark. I raised my eyebrows at him. "You don't call this relaxing!?"

How To Make Gllen Go Postal

Today, Gllen and I went out for brunch at The Common Roots Cafe in Uptown. We noticed that 75% of the people there were on laptops and Gllen pondered, "I wonder how many people here are playing online poker..."

I glanced about the cafe, and noted, "Well, the majority of people here are using Macs. Can you even play online poker on a Mac? I mean, is the user experience the same?"

Gllen scoffed.

"I'm just asking because I've noticed this week that many websites look way different when you're using a Mac." He looked at me quizzically, and I added "I've been using a Mac all week at work."

Gllen made a sour face. "Why?" he demanded. I told him that my computer died, and the easiest thing for me to do while it was being fixed was to work on one of the spare Macs from our graphics department, because they were the only computers in the office that had CS4 installed.

If Gllen had been in the same situation, he told me that his reaction would have been this: "You better get my damn computer fixed today or I'll kill people."

There's a reason he's self employed.

In Theory...

Last night I was teasing Gllen about his dislike of Apple. (The fact that I own an iPhone is a sore spot for him. On several occasions when my phone has rung, he has made a snarky comment like "Your phone wants to play with you.") So, I was trying to imagine a scenario where he might be forced to become an Apple fan. I asked him, what would he do if Apple and Google merged?

He let out an indignant noise. "That would never happen."

"Just pretend that it did," I cajoled.

He started stuttering out sentences. "That's ridiculous... It's not even... So stupid... It's like suggesting Google would merge with..." He struggled for a moment, trying to come up with an analogy. Finally he stammered, "Fantastic Sam's."

The force of his comment hit me, and after a few seconds I started to giggle. "Fantastic Sams?" I laughed harder. "Why did you think of Fantastic Sam's?" Gllen starts to laugh. "Of all the company's you could think of, you came up with Fantastic Sam's? Gee, if someone said 'hey, name a company' I don't think I'd blurt out Fantastic Sam's."

We both laughed for a while. Gllen finally tells me that it was the most stupid company he could think of. A minute later he said, "Oh yeah. I thought of another one."

I raised my eyebrows and he soberly states, "Apple."