Pictures Worth a Thousand Tears

Last night we were honored with the presence of some of my old friends who I don't get to see very often.  Prior to my life with Gllen, my friends Christen and Andy and I had a weekly dinner club... where every Tuesday night, Andy would cook for us, and we'd sit around laughing and eating the whole night.  We had a good run at this dinner club, but as usual, life takes its twists and turns and we couldn't expect it to last forever... Andy became a father, Christen moved out of state, and I started dating a Gllen.

I pretty much lucked out - I found my own live-in-chef who makes me delicious meals, makes me laugh and in general keeps my spirits up.  Everyone should get to have Dinner Club forever. So, I was really excited to see my old gang, and introduce Gllen to the people who I spent a few formative years in my twenties with.  They have good stories to tell.

Gllen is a good listener - he doesn't usually interrupt a story.  So he absorbed a LOT of chatter about the good old days.  At one point he told the group, "It was really interesting to hear that story unfold. Pretty much all I heard was, 'That was the WORST night of my life.... did you WRITE that poem?' and whatever happened, it sounds amazing."  I really enjoy seeing life through the Gllen Lens sometimes.

The highlight of the evening was when we gathered back at our house for some late-night drinks and decided to play a board game... Gllen's new favorite game... Telestrations.  It's basically like pictionary combined with a game of telephone. Anyway, this game, without fail, makes Gllen laugh so hard that he CRIES. I think we all did.  But Gllen's laughter is so genuine, so joyful, that you can't help laughing when he does.  He was sitting next to Amanda, one of our guests, and drawing and cracking up so hard at his own art that he would get Amanda giggling, which in turn makes me laugh and it was went around in circles from there.

My favorite Gllen drawing from the night was his rendering of the word "cuddle".  I present it to you here... the more I look at it, the more I am amazed. I've blacked out the word so you can play along and make your own guess... to reveal the answer, simply highlight the blacked out text.

And for fun, here's one more... the secret phrase is "water off a duck's back".

The Shirt Says it All

Today, Gllen and I were talking about a party I am going to where there are a lot of Apple users. Gllen jokingly said he would come to the party and wear a shirt that says "Windows is better than Mac"

"Okay!" I said eagerly. I think he was taken aback by my easy agreement, so he revised, "I'll wear a shirt that says, 'Janelle is my girlfiend. Macs Suck.'"

I smiled at him. "Sure!" When he raised his brows at me and laughed, I added, "That will certainly strike up some conversations. People will want to talk to you. I enjoy seeing you converse with others."

He made some wierd noises and revised again. "Janelle is my girlfriend. Macs Suck. I won't talk to you."

With a smirk on my face, I told him, "You know, that shirt would come in handy in pretty much any social situation you are in." Really. It sums him up, and reflects about as much as he would contribute to a conversation verbally anyway...

LOL

This little gmail chat had me busting a gut for at least five minutes.

gllen: TACO TUESDAY
Sent at 5:22 PM on Tuesday
gllen: I WANTS MEHICAN

The Joke Is Always On Me

Last night I was crabby and I got irritated and the stupid lamp in the living room. I put in three light bulbs and NONE OF THEM WORKED. By the time I finally got a working light bulb in there I was cursing at it like a sailor.

Grouchily, I frowned at Gllen and said, "That was too hard."

He looked at me, calculating in his mind and replied, "There's a joke in there... but I will refrain." My face screwed up into a full-on scowl and he lifted his arms to protect himself just in case I threw a punch and exclaimed "I REFRAINED!!!!!"

I backed away infinitesimally.

That small gesture of retreat gave him the confidence to un-refrain, because he said, "How many girlfriends does it take to screw in a light bulb?" My hand curled into a fist. Before I could take any further action, he placated, "Just one." I gave him a good, long angry stare before retreating into the living room. I knew what the real joke was, even if he hadn't gotten it yet...

How many boyfriends does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. His girlfriend will do it for him.

Guests Be Warned

Last night, Gllen and I were at dinner, discussing the house hunt, and I said to him, "You know, needing a space for your office is really gumming up the works. If we didn't have to deal with that, it would be much easier. Just sayin."

Gllen narrowed his eyes at me. "If we didn't need a guest room it would be a lot easier."

Flustered, I sputtered out, "I need a space of my own! I hate hanging out in the bedroom when I want to be by myself. How would you like having your office in the bedroom?"

He raised his brows at me, "Maybe we should have the guest bed in the bedroom."

I stared at him. "If you went to a friends house, who said, 'Yeah, you can sleep on our guest bed' and then you discovered it was in their BEDROOM, what would you do?"

We both disolved into giggles. Gllen stated, "So I think we're in agreement here. Guest bed in the bedroom."

Still laughing, I said, "Oh my god, can you imagine? What if you dad or mom came to visit? That would be sooooo wierd."

Gllen snorted, "It's a good icebreaker."

I stared at him again. "That's not an icebreaker, honey. That's throwing a glacier into the room."

Solicitations

Unless I know a friend is coming over, if someone knocks on our door, I pretty much refuse to answer. Its something that scares me... So I make Gllen do it.

Friday afternoon, there was a particularly confident knock on our door, which Gllen went to answer. I was laying on the couch, with a perfect view of Gllen, but unable to see the person beyond the threshold.

It was some girl, who immediately jumped into a speech, in a crazy loud voice that left no opportunity for interruption. Gllen was held hostage. The only time she strayed from her obviously rehearsed pitch was to tell Gllen that he was not very good at making eye contact, but then launched back into her speech.

After about two minutes of Gllen standing there getting verbally assaulted whilst staring at the floor, he interrupted the brassy lady and said, "What is this? Are you asking for money or something?"

She responded "Let me show you my letter of recommendation..."

Gllen rephrased his original question, "So....are you asking for money? What is going on here?"

By this point, I'm stifling my laughter into a pillow. The woman responds, "I'm not asking for a hand-out. I'm asking for a hand-up."

Gllen is unphased. He states, "So, you want money."

She doesn't know quite how to respond, and after a pause, I hear her squeak out meekly, "A hand-up?"

At this, Gllen takes action. He barely finishes saying "Yah, I'm not interested in giving you money." before he shuts the door on her face and retreats to his office.

Small Talk

I had a dream the other night that Gllen and I were in an earthquake, and that Gllen fell down and hit his head. It was scary. So, I was telling Gllen about it, and he interrupts me to say, "Earthquakes are cool!"

"What!?" I demand. "They are not cool. They are scary."

Gllen smirks and informs me, "No they aren't. They're good for small talk. You don't always have to talk about the weather. You can be like, 'Yo, dude, were you in the earthquake?' and the guy will be like, 'Yeah, man, that was awesome.'"

"That's why you like earthquakes? For SMALL TALK? You. Don't. Ever. Talk!" Gllen pretends he doesn't hear me. So, I try another tactic. "You'd hate earthquakes. First one would take down your servers."

This hits home. He gets an annoyed look on his face. "Fuck that. Earthquakes suck."

His New Catch-Phrase

A while back, Gllen and I were traveling by car, and we were making inconsequential conversation. Well, I was making conversation... Gllen was just sitting there like his usual lump-self.

So, I was contemplating if I needed to buy a new laptop. I recently dropped mine, cracking the corner, and I was verbally running through my options. I said something along the lines of, "Doesn't it just suck that the moment you buy a computer it is obsolete?"

Gllen scoffed at me, and said disdainfully, "That's computers, Girlfriend."

My jaw dropped and I stuttered for a moment, unable to combat the dismissive tone in his voice. Finally, I admonished him, "I know what computers are like."

So, since that day, anytime Gllen finds something acutely obvious, not matter the subject matter, he says, "That's computers, Girlfriend."

And then I punch him.

Tonight's Big Conversation

And so I share with you, the major interaction Gllen and I had tonight, in one small scene:

Me: You have raspberries cooking in the toaster oven.
Gllen: I'm all about it.
Me:You forgot all about it?
Gllen: No, I'm all about it. (Snorty Laugh)
Me: What's so funny?
Gllen: What I said.
Me: Why is that funny?
Gllen: I haven't said it in a while.
Me: Did you use to say it all the time?
Gllen: No.
Me: Then what's so funny about it?
Gllen: What isn't funny about it?
Me: Everything.
Gllen: I'm all about it.

After that I gave up.

Insert Uncomfortable Silence

I found out that one of the people that Gllen works with is from London. I got all excited and curious about the idea of him conversing with someone from a different country... I mean, this is the guy who turns on the subtitles to watch movies where the actors are speaking with the standard midwestern accent.

"So, is this person actually British?" I asked him, grinning at him. He tells me yes. "Do they say things like 'bloody' and 'cheers'?"

"They say 'cheers'" he affirmed, and then buried his face in his hands and let out an embarrassed laugh. "I accidentally said it back to him last time."

I practically screamed with delight. "WHAT? What happened? What did you say?"

Apparently, the fellow ended their conversation with the traditional "Cheers!" and Gllen automatically said it back to him. Then paused with uncomfortable silence and added, "Bye."

Upon further probing, I also discovered that normally when he talks to this person, they farewell with "Cheers!" and Gllen usually doesn't know what to say, so after an uncomfortable pause says, "Okay." (more silence) "Bye."

I delight in envisioning these exchanges.